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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589894">Four Walls</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocketlover/pseuds/Rocketlover'>Rocketlover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ER (TV 1994)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:01:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocketlover/pseuds/Rocketlover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cordano - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Four Walls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Challenge from ffreader22 to write a tag for 'On The Beach.' Small bit of dialogue taken from an out-take for that episode.</em>
</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>Four Walls</strong> </span>
</p><p>As the early evening ceded yet more light to the shadows, Robert stood in front of a green door and rapped his knuckles hard against the wood. Then he stood back and half turned to glance back at his car. As he'd pulled up in front of the house, his beloved Jag had drawn admiring glances from a group of teenagers, and he stared pointedly at them, his eyes conveying a very clear message...'Keep off!"</p><p>He heard the door opening and turned back to see Elizabeth standing there. She was still dressed in the same black outfit he'd left her standing in earlier, although the poise with which she'd held herself throughout the funeral, along with her British stiff upper lip, were now long gone. They were replaced instead with red eyes that had clearly been crying, and slumped shoulders seemingly being crushed by the invisible load that sat atop them. Her normally contained curls were breaking free, giving a slight air of dishevelment. She looked utterly exhausted, which of course was understandable. What wasn't understandable though, was the glare that she greeted him with. Considering he was here at her request she didn't exactly look very pleased to see him. In fact she looked downright pissed that he was there.</p><p>"I got your message," he began cautiously. "Brenda said you wanted to see me?"</p><p>The death glare remained firmly fixed in place, as did the accompanying body language which exuded anger from every pore. He thrust his hands deep into his pockets and buried them there, as he prepared to tread the minefield of 'angry Lizzie'. From experience, he knew his mouth would very likely sink him deeper into her bad books, and he didn't need the added danger of his hands reaching out to try and comfort her, where none was wanted.</p><p>"I did," she snapped, unable to keep any hint of anger from her voice. Her cross arms uncrossed as she made a show of looking at her watch. "Let me see…I left that message for you…over six hours ago!"</p><p>"You maybe want to dial back on the hostility a bit Lizzie?" he tried again. "You seem upset...are you mad at me?"</p><p>"Of course I'm bloody upset!" she hissed. "I buried my husband today!"</p><p>When he'd left her late that morning after the funeral, they'd parted ways on good terms. Or at least he'd thought they had. He'd explained he had a meeting with the board, and so wouldn't be able to make it to the wake...and she'd said it was fine, so this hostility confounded him. He tried again, his tone soft and neutral. "I did explain to you earlier that I had a meeting? Trust me, if I could've gotten out of it, I would've. You know that, right?"</p><p>"No," she scoffed, clearly not believing him.</p><p>Her succinct rejection was delivered like a slap to the face and may just as well have been, for the hurt it caused him. Okay, he reasoned, she's grieving. She's grieving and she's very clearly angry...angry at God for letting Mark die, angry at Mark for dying, angry at the world for sitting by and watching it happen. All of that he understood, but what the didn't understand was, the part where she was he was so clearly angry at him, but he felt certain he was about to find out.</p><p>They'd had plenty of arguments in the past where they'd gone toe to toe with one another. None had taken place after she'd just buried her husband though! He figured she needed an outlet for that anger, and if she needed him to be a verbal punch bag, well then he'd let her. He took in a deep calming breath and held out his hands in a placating gesture. "Well, I'm here now, so what did you want to see me about?"</p><p>"I don't want to see you now! I wanted to see you hours ago...I can't believe you chose to attend a stupid meeting rather than stand by me! I thought I meant more to you than that!"</p><p>"Lizzie, I.."</p><p>"No, don't bother," she cut him off with a raised finger. "I thought at the very least, today of all days, you could have been less of a prick and more of a friend!"</p><p>"I didn't think. If you'd just asked me…"</p><p>"I shouldn't have <em>needed</em> to ask!" she all but screamed at him, and there it was. Flashpoint. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but we've always, <em>always</em> had each others backs! I didn't think I needed to ask you Robert! I'd just assumed you'd be there...looking out for me, like you always do...like you've always done," she finished, her voice trembling a little as some of the pent up anger left her body.</p><p>He looked down briefly at his feet and felt shame. She was right. On reflection, he could have easily put the meeting off, but the truth was, he hated funerals. He couldn't stand the sadness, the waste of life, the tragedy of it all. Especially when someone still so young is taken in the prime of their life. Elizabeth had been surrounded by her friends and colleagues. He'd figured his presence would not be missed at the wake and he wouldn't have had to endure watching Elizabeth in pain whilst standing by impotently, unable to help. She was right. He'd been a prick and a selfish one at that.</p><p>He glanced past her and listened closely. Hearing nothing he assumed all the guests and well wishers must have left already. He stepped forward a fraction and reached for her hand. "I'm sorry Lizzie," he started and hoped it didn't sound as feeble as it did to his own ears. "I honestly didn't think it would matter to you if I didn't go to the wake. Obviously I got it wrong and I'm very sorry. Look, can I come in? Please?"</p><p>"Why would you have thought that? Of course I wanted you here! I <em>needed</em> you here," she added quietly.</p><p>"Really?" he said, genuinely surprised at the admission.</p><p>"Yes, really." She fixed her eyes on his, the small hint of a smile ghosting her lips. "I could have used your...shall we say, refreshingly honest social skills to help get rid off all the bloody well wishers."</p><p>"So what you actually mean is you needed your own personal bouncer."</p><p>"Actually, I was thinking of you more as my own personal bodyguard."</p><p>He shrugged a little<em> mea culpa</em> shrug and gave a little smile. She had him there and he wasn't going to deny it. The protectiveness he felt towards her had only grown stronger over the years despite her marrying another man. He'd never been able to turn off his feelings for her and had accepted that a long time ago. He thought he'd toned it down enough over the years, but clearly she knew he cared for her still. He should have been there for her. He should have been the buffer she'd so clearly needed.</p><p>"Please can I come in?" he tried again.</p><p>She nodded and opened the door wider inviting him to step inside. "Thank you for coming. How was your meeting anyhow?" she asked, trying to bring the conversation back onto an even keel.</p><p>"Remind me again what the collective adjective for boring and frustrating is?"</p><p>Her lips peeled away to reveal her teeth as she smiled. "See? Right there, that's what I need."</p><p>"Which would be?"</p><p>"Your brand of dark humour...someone to still act normal around me instead of gushing platitudes over me."</p><p>"You mean be a prick?"</p><p>She started to laugh then. Or cry. He wasn't certain and he just stood there briefly, unsure of what to do, until he stepped inside and closed the door. He pulled her towards him and held her tightly. The gesture was enough and she leaned heavily against him as she let the tears come, grateful for the strength he offered.</p><p>"I'm so sorry this has happened to you, Lizzie."</p><p>"He's left me with all of these things Robert!" she sobbed, clinging to him. "He's left me to bring Ella up on my own, he's left me with all these bills to pay...a closet full of his clothes, his sporting goods, I mean what am I supposed to do with all of this stuff...he's just left me with all of this crap and it really pisses me off! I'm so angry with him for leaving us; it's just so unfair! I feel guilty and I feel terrible about having these feelings...I mean he's dead...I know he didn't want to die...Oh God what's the matter with me?! It's just not fair Robert!"</p><p>"No, its not," he said softly, one hand rubbing her back gently, the other stroking her hair.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his neck, aware his skin and shirt collar was sodden from her tears.</p><p>"Don't be," he said. He opened his eyes to glance behind her and listened out for any other voices, but heard none. "I'm guessing everyone's left already?" he asked.</p><p>He felt her nod. "Where's the munchkin?"</p><p>"Fast asleep," she said, nudging her head towards the stairs.</p><p>"Already?"</p><p>"It's been a long day, Robert."</p><p>"Yeah, yes of course. Sorry," he muttered.</p><p>She shook her head and smiled ruefully. "I put her down an hour ago and she was out like a light...I envy her."</p><p>"How are you sleeping?"</p><p>"Not brilliant," she admitted.</p><p>"I can write you a script if you'd like?" he offered.</p><p>She smiled gratefully but shook her head. "Thanks, but I'd rather not."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm not one to medicate if I can help it."</p><p>She laughed a little and he looked at her with narrowed eyes.</p><p>"Yes, I remember your aversion to self medication Robert. To the point where you'd rather collapse in the O.R rather than admit you're feeling ill."</p><p>He grinned sheepishly at her. "Did I ever thank you for looking after me?"</p><p>She returned the grin. "No, but to be fair as I recall, I was rather enjoying teasing you at the time, so I don't think you were that way inclined."</p><p>"Well, for what its worth – thank you."</p><p>He glanced quickly around as they pulled apart. The remnants of the wake were still in evidence everywhere. Dirty plates and glasses adorned most surfaces.</p><p>"No-one offered to help clean this mess up?" he asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice.</p><p>"They did, but I asked them to leave...rather abruptly," she added and glanced at her feet.</p><p>He felt the tug of a grin at the corner of his mouth. "I'm guessing you weren't subtle?"</p><p>She shook her head, the corner of her own mouth pulling into a grin. "No. I don't believe it was my finest hour...but I, er..I just wanted them gone, wanted my house back. I needed the quiet to think."</p><p>He felt bad again that she'd had to do that. Felt worse that he'd left her in a position where she'd had to have been the one to do that. "Well, I'm sure they'll understand," he offered. He should have been there but at least he was here now he reasoned. There was something practical he could do to help, so he removed his jacket and hung it off the stair newel post.</p><p>Elizabeth watched him as he rolled up his sleeves and began clearing away the dishes.</p><p>"What are you doing?" she asked.</p><p>"What does it look like?"</p><p>"You don't need to do that."</p><p>"I know I don't Lizzie – but I'm doing it anyhow…look, why don't you go and lie down and try and get some rest?"</p><p>She shook her head vociferously, surprising the both of them. She didn't feel ready to face those four walls, or feel the solitude that her bedroom now made her feel. Those four walls felt claustrophobic, like they were pressing in around her. In contrast the large bed she'd shared with Mark, now did nothing but taunt her. It reminded her that the large empty space next to her was a void she could no longer fill.</p><p>Whilst she'd wanted everyone gone, the ensuing silence had been a painful reality check and she was now glad of the company. "I don't think I'd be able to sleep," she said quietly, and looked around the room. Robert followed her eyes as they swept the many pictures adorning the walls and the mantelpiece. Images that all spoke of happier times; images that held promises of a bright future, but were now simply a heavy reminder of the life lost. He felt pretty useless. What can you say? What can you do when everything you knew has been turned upside down!</p><p>"How about a bath then? Let me take care of this mess for you and then I'll fix you something to eat?" he tried again, desperate to be able to help her.</p><p>She smiled, both resignedly and gratefully at him. She knew better than to butt heads with a determined Romano. "Okay then," she acquiesced, and he watched her climb the stairs.</p><p>The soak helped her focus and the gentle noises of him moving about downstairs as he tidied, brought comfort and kept her company.</p><p>Nearly an hour later when she reappeared, it was to a tidy house that looked like someone lived there again. She looked around appreciatively as she reviewed her front room and nodded to herself.</p><p>"Thank you Robert."</p><p>"Don't mention it," he said, looking her over. She'd changed into casual lounge wear and looked a little more like her old self. "Feel any better?"</p><p>"A little," she said, more for his benefit, but she noted it wasn't a complete lie either.</p><p>"You have like four different casseroles I guess people brought. You feel up to eating one of them?"</p><p>"So long as you eat some with me," she said, and he nodded before ducking back into the kitchen. She glanced around the lounge again, then followed him in and grinned. He noticed the smile as he turned and raised a quizzical eyebrow at her.</p><p>"I think this is the tidiest I've ever seen the kitchen," she remarked, in response to his unasked question.</p><p>He gave a little shrug and went back to the task of heating up some food for them. Elizabeth watched him as he worked both silently and deliberately, grateful to have him there. Somehow the deafening silence was no longer deafening, the house no longer quite so big and empty. She walked to the cabinets and grabbed some plates and cutlery, laying them out on the kitchen table. Next, she grabbed two wine glasses and filled them from an already open bottle. Robert turned to watch her. He hadn't planned on drinking knowing he still had the drive home, but figured one glass would be fine.</p><p>She pulled a chair out and sat as he plated up the food and brought both dishes over. She didn't think she'd be able to eat much, not having much of an appetite, but the food was surprisingly good and before she knew it she'd placed the knife and fork down on the empty plate. She looked up to see Robert complete the same manoeuvre and smiled kindly at him. "Well apparently, that was just what the doctor ordered."</p><p>He got up to clear the dishes, and she made to refill their glasses. He moved his hand over his and shook his head. "Gotta drive," he said.</p><p>"Oh?" she muttered. Of course he had to drive she reasoned. She looked down again into her lap. He had to drive home and she...well she had to get used to being on her own. Which reminded her she needed to tell him of the decision she had made. One she knew he would not be happy about, but hoped that he would support her in nevertheless.</p><p>"Actually, I need to tell you something and you may want a drink of something stronger...I know I do."</p><p>"Is it that bad?" he joked, but narrowed his eyes as it fell flat and failed to raise a smile. "What's on offer?"</p><p>"Scotch?"</p><p>He nodded and watched as she rose from the chair and opened another kitchen cabinet. A minute later she returned to the table with two heavy tumblers and handed him one. He reached out accepting the proffered glass and watched as she sat down opposite him.</p><p>"So, what did you want to talk about?"</p><p>Elizabeth took a sip of her scotch then placed the glass down on the table. She placed her hands in her lap then looked up at him and took in a deep breath.</p><p>"There's really no easy way to say this, but I wanted to let you know in person that I've made a decision...I've decided to go home."</p><p>"Home?" he repeated, confusion clear in his voice as he looked around the house.</p><p>Elizabeth caught the look. "No...home, as in <em>England</em>, home," she clarified.</p><p>"<em>Oh</em>," he said, unable to keep the shock from his voice. He hadn't seen that coming, but in hindsight he guessed it wasn't really all that surprising. "I see," he said quietly and took a sip of scotch. He could feel her eyes burning on him, waiting for him to say or do something.</p><p>"I just need to be around family right now," she started to explain.</p><p>Robert blinked at that, and thought, <em>what, the same family who hadn't even bothered to make the trip across the pond for their son-in-laws funeral?!</em> That's what he wanted to say, but instead he wisely kept his thoughts to himself and simply nodded supportively instead. Of course it made sense, that she wanted to go back to what she felt was familiar. Besides family, she still had plenty of good friends over there, and no doubt plenty of distractions to help get her through this difficult period. He didn't like it, but yes, he guessed it made sense. "Yeah, of course you do, and you're right, you should go; but I want you to know I meant what I said earlier today...take all the time you need Lizzie, your position here is waiting for you whenever you want it."</p><p>"No, you're not understanding me Robert," she said and his eyes suddenly fixed upon hers. "I'm not coming back," she spoke slowly.</p><p>That threw him completely. "Elizabeth," he began seriously, and placed the drink down on the table. "You don't want to make any rash decisions right now. By all means, yes, go home and grieve...go and be with your friends and family – but don't cut yourself off. You have friends here too, you know? You have people who care about you...people who care a great deal about you."</p><p>"I know I do," she said, and reached across the table to take his hand in hers and squeezed it. "Which is why I felt I owed it to you, to tell you this in person...that, and I also wanted to thank you."</p><p>His eyes fixed on hers. "Thank me for what?"</p><p>"To thank you for being my friend...for always listening to me, when I needed you to. Especially that day in the lounge when you found me crying after I'd just learned Mark's tumour was back."</p><p>He nodded sombrely as he remembered the darkened lounge; he could still taste the bitter taste of bad coffee combined with her pain and obvious heartbreak. There he was, a brilliant cardiac surgeon, but he couldn't fix her heart for her that day. Instead he'd gone home and wept for her.</p><p>She smiled warmly at him and wondered what he was thinking behind those dark eyes. "Has anyone ever told you, that you have this wonderful ability to say an awful lot without actually saying very much? It's quite funny considering how much you love the sound of your own voice...but somehow, you just know what to say and go straight to the heart of the matter."</p><p>"Saves time," he shrugged.</p><p>"Well, you made me see sense that day Robert. You helped me see the big picture and you guided me back to Mark."</p><p>He dared look up into her blue eyes and found them glistening brightly. "I don't think I ever thanked you for that, but I'm so grateful that you did! You gave us those last few precious days together and I cannot ever thank you enough for that!"</p><p>His head was still whirling with the revelation she was leaving. He was probably never going to see her again and that very thought stripped him of the capacity to speak. He didn't know where to begin. He wanted to beg her not to go, to change her mind. Instead he just stared back down at her hand in his.</p><p>"Despite our somewhat tumultuous relationship, you've always been pivotal in my life, Robert. It seems like a lifetime ago that we went for dinner in London and you tempted me here with tales of blood and gore. If we hadn't met, I would never have come here and I would never have met Mark. If I hadn't met Mark I wouldn't have Ella – and if you hadn't convinced me to forgive him I would never have gone back to him… We've had our ups and downs along the way, but I know you've always had my best intentions at heart."</p><p>He nodded, still staring at their hands, not trusting his voice. When her mind was made up like this, he knew there was no talking her out of it. In a few weeks, a few months maybe...when the gaping wound that Marks death had inflicted was not quite as raw and was beginning to heal. Then, hopefully she'd reconsider. Until then she needed his support. He'd failed her today, but he wouldn't again. He brought his eyes up to meet hers and nodded, not caring if she saw the glistening tears of what her decision created in them.</p><p>"I will miss you and not just your surgical skills. I'd like to think we're friends. Is there anything I can say to convince you to keep an open mind?"</p><p>"We are friends Robert and I will miss you terribly...but I have to do this. Don't worry if you don't hear anything for a while. I just need time to clear my head. Sort myself out. But don't worry, I'll be in touch then."</p><p>"You better be. I will turn up on your doorstep if you don't. You know that right?"</p><p>She nodded. Yes she did know that.</p><p>"And, I don't care what you say Lizzie. As far as I'm concerned, you're on sabbatical until you want to come back. I mean it...I don't care how long it takes, there'll always be a place for you at County."</p><p>She smiled fondly and nodded. "Thank you Robert."</p><p>He hoped she didn't think they were just hollow words. He needed her to understand how serious he was; that he meant every word of it. "Elizabeth I mean it!"</p><p>"I know you do," she chuckled into her drink, shaking her head slightly, causing his head to look up at her.</p><p>"Want to tell me what's so amusing?"</p><p>"I always know you're being serious when you call me <em>Elizabeth</em>...its almost like the parent voice my mother would chastise me with...<em>Elizabeth Anastasia Corday</em>! She'd say, and I'd know straight away I was always in trouble!"</p><p>"<em>Anastasia?</em>" he laughed loudly. "How am I only just learning this?!"</p><p>"For precisely that reaction!" she giggled. "It was bad enough upon meeting me, you christened me <em>Lizzie</em>...there was absolutely no way in hell I was going to give you that titbit of information to mock me further with."</p><p>"What, you don't like Lizzie?"</p><p>"You never bothered to ask me."</p><p>"I'm asking now."</p><p>"Actually at first, I thought it was kind of sweet...you were Rocket and I was Lizzie...it was kind of our thing."</p><p>He grinned. "That was, what I was going for."</p><p>"<em>Ahem</em>," she said sceptically. "Though, I must admit it has grown on me over the years. Only from you, mind."</p><p>"<em>Roberto Patrick Romano</em>," he said suddenly, in a high pitched voice.</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>"That was <em>my</em> mothers scolding voice for me," he explained.</p><p>"<em>Roberto</em>?" she giggled, unable to stop the hand raising to her mouth.</p><p>He grinned. "Yeah. Its plain old Robert on my birth certificate, but she'd always call me that when she was annoyed at me. I think he was an uncle who was the black sheep of the family."</p><p>She laughed a full throaty laugh and for a split second forgot all of her pain and he grinned broadly at her. "So now we have each others name secrets, we're even."</p><p>"<em>Roberto</em>...I will use that against you one day! I hope you know that?"</p><p>"That's what I'm counting on Lizzie, but it comes with the caveat that you have to be here to use it."</p><p>"I see what you did there," she said fondly.</p><p>He grinned at her and watched as she stretched out and tried to stifle a yawn. The long day, now combined with a hot meal and alcohol inside her, made her feel sleepy.</p><p>"I should let you get some rest," he said, rising up out of the chair. He quickly cleared the table of the dirty dishes and looked back at her. "Can I get you anything else or do anything?"</p><p>She looked around the kitchen once again. At the flowers and cards, that seemed to adorn every room in the house.</p><p>"I can stay longer if you like?" he offered, following her eyes.</p><p>She looked back at him and gave a slight shake of her head. No, she needed to start dealing with this and get back to normal...she needed to get used to the new normal.</p><p>She stood up and pushed the chair back under the table, following him out to the hallway where he retrieved his jacket and put it back on.</p><p>"When do you think you'll be leaving?" he asked.</p><p>She breathed in deeply. "I was thinking of tomorrow. I'll worry about the logistics of moving later."</p><p>As he stepped out onto the porch he couldn't resist. He genuinely had no idea if he was ever going to see her again and the feeling of loss that generated in him, the very thought was overwhelming. He turned suddenly and pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her, hugging her tightly to him.</p><p>"I'll miss you," he said.</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>"Promise me you'll take care of yourself."</p><p>"I promise."</p><p>"Promise me you'll keep in touch."</p><p>"I promise."</p><p>He released her slowly and brushed his lips against her cheek, kissing her softly as he did.</p><p>"I guess this is goodbye, then," he said with sad resignation.</p><p>"You know the French say it so much better," she said and he looked at her. "<em>Au revoir.</em> I means until we meet again."</p><p>He returned her smile and squeezed her hand. "Au revoir, it is then."</p><p>
  <strong>FIN</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>If you'd like to challenge a tag, or have a wrong 'writed' let me know...</em>
</p>
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